Rainbows, bowls and bricks

The room looks like one big happy rainbow. Mattresses are placed neatly on the floor, covered in the most colourful blankets I’ve ever seen.  Instantly, my mood changes, lifts a little. I’m here for the sound healing meditation created with singing and Tibetan bowls, gong, voice and harmonics. Makes me drift in and out of some mysterious realm. A bit like hiking really, the sensations you naturally experience when you’re on the trail.  Yeah, you know that will always get a mention.

The leader is dressed in white, prayer beads around his neck, with frizzy black hair that is organically wild. He hugs each person hello and begins by giving an astrological talk for about 40 minutes in his thick accent. Normally I find astronomy tedious, by that I mean loquacious. Plain wordy. I kind of want to ask if we can just get on with the sound stuff. Pretty much like a 5-year-old on a car trip repeatedly asking if we’re there yet. Turns out I might have sold myself short pressing fast forward on this talk.

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“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.” Unknown.

The upshot is, and let me say my interpretation will not do any kind of justice to the way this dude spoke. Divine. According to the planets and that stuff that happens out there, it’s a time of death and the emphasis is on the enormity of it.  He says, Spirit is calling our attention, wanting us to develop and change through this ending. Silently I declare no more growth. My thoughts drift to the house and contents insurance policy and if it was debited to my bank account this week. Right now, I’d take boring insurance over evolution.

In spite of my uneasiness, in that story-telling voice he continues with no clue I am reeling. Planets downloading, big ones, little ones, and alignments which lead to 2017 as the foundation year for the next 9 years of our lives. Holy shit, that makes me immediately panicky. No more thinking about insurance. I mean it’s nearly the end of November.  What if I have done the first 11 months wrong?  Why didn’t someone tell me this earlier?  Does the universe allow you to back track in spiritual lessons and listening? Is this the plot twist that keeps coming up in my Facebook newsfeed?

I remind myself to keep an open mind. I know nothing of astrology except that Mercury is quite the cheeky guy. He goes onto say Spirit really wants us to ask why this ending is happening in our lives. It’s time to question and dive deep for the answers as to what we have to learn from this. Apparently, it’s not a simple as my justification there are just some unconscious people in this world doing bad shit. One of my mentors has always reminded me that when there is disturbance, the problem lies with me, no matter the source. Just quietly I was freaking out.  One month to set things right for the NEXT NINE YEARS! Talk about pressure.

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“Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic, this is the spiritual path.” Pema Chodron

Okay, so laying aside the reproaching of others bit. I really do know why this happened, and yes it was my disturbance. I really struggled to trust to my intuition. I heard it alright as it flew through the air at my head in February, a big brick, a metaphoric one of course.  Man, it hurt a lot and I was distraught. It woke me up a little.  I made a promise to myself. Another few came hurling at me in March, then April, and yep May – that was big one and did a lot of harm. Doubt became a companion.

You guessed it, along came June through to September, the bricks intensified increasing my internal agitation towards something being amiss.  I was in a state of bewilderment. I had no idea where I stood. I kept returning to February’s promise and yet there was nothing concrete, I thought, that could give me direction. I stayed with doubt and did my best to trust in life, that it would unfold naturally. I didn’t quite get the bricks were concrete too. Sometimes a slow learner, but more so, maybe the time just wasn’t right yet for me.

October arrived, and in comes another few bricks, but after smashing my head, they dropped me flat on my face. All out. Not very flattering. There I was as Brene Brown would say “face down in the arena”. Humiliated, broken open, numb. That got my full attention. The promise I made to myself back in February held fast and the truth I was grasping for arrived in an instant. I like to say truth doesn’t come on the installment plan, it’s either there or it’s not, and you can’t take it back once it appears. I knew what I needed to do.

Returning to the majestic sounds this healing man was creating made me kind of hopeful. More accepting of all those knocks, bumps and complete drops I was considering a total waste at the beginning of my year in review. Perhaps a little cryptic but the detail doesn’t matter so much, it’s really the process, especially when there is so much apprehension. That was my promise back in February, to trust the timing.  So, given it is my foundation year according to the stars (wink, wink) I reckon I have enough bricks and the building is already happening. The next 9 years may not be so screwed. Maybe that was the plan after all.

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“A successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at her.” Unknown.
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A 45cm sterling silver wearable affirmation to remind your self, or someone you love, who is trying their hardest and refusing to give up that like us, you’ve got this.  No matter what. See https://leaning-inwards.myshopify.com/products/youve-got-this-necklace

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Leaning Inwards

Blogger. Cyclist. Hiker. Mother of four. Trauma Counsellor. Wild and peaceful woman pushing comfort zones.

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